my feelings right now

just wondering why I can't stop having the feelings I have and how did this all happen? I 'm so frustrated, angry, bitter, and hurting that it's eating me up and I don't feel like it's going to get any better. I don't know why my burdens haven't been lifted. I don't know why when I've been trying to do right following the Lord that I continue to hurt so much. I'm just sick of it.

on fighting battles

I'm not going into a lot of detail about battles I'm dealing with right now because the focus is on "fighting battles."

Everyone who is a saved child of God is facing a battle and of course that doesn't exclude me. I should be the poster child (if there ever was one) for facing battles, winning some and losing some. There was a point in my life that I gave no consideration to the fact that I am saved. I went as far away from God as I could possibly go without breaking the law. You have no idea where I've been and what I did, but you do know that a battle is still a battle.

As I've aged, I've grown wiser. Funny, I didn't realize how true that statement is when I was only twenty. Those temptations that Satan used on me then he still uses today. Now, at this point in my life I'd like to state for a fact that I'll never do those things again. So why does he still use them? The point is this, if he knows it's still a temptation for me, he will keep tempting me with it, even if I don't give in, it is still an obstruction in my path. If I'm so busy trying to fight then I'll be too busy to be a witness for my Lord. They can't see the battles I've won if all they see are the tears in my eyes, my head down, and my attitude that doesn't always reflect a Christian's.

I don't know if I'll conquer these battles, but I know if I don't, I have only myself to blame.

on emotions

As most know, a woman is very emotional. Our emotions sometimes get the best of us. We allow them to surpass boundaries that we initially set. Before we know it, they have taken control of our thought process. This can lead to a mental state of confusion and affect us in our marriages, families, friendships, and occupations. We try to put them aside, but no matter how much we strive to accomplish this, it is a constant battle.

How does one rid their mind of these emotions? How does one defeat their own creation of emotions? Is it possible to ever overcome such?

Is it a matter of consistent prayer or will it forever remain in the depths of my mind? I would hope that eventually the emotions will subside and I won't have this constant battle to fight, I won't have to continuously put forth the effort to push these feelings away. I want to have peace of mind. I want to have a better relationship with the Lord, my husband, my daughter, my church, family and friends.

on Homecoming Services

What a wonderful day today! My daughter, Marissa, was baptized today. What a wonderful feeling knowing your child is going to Heaven.

We also celebrated homecoming at Lakeview with Bro. Chet Johnson, Pastor of our sponsoring church Forest Grove, bringing the message. My mom, dad, sister and her two boys, my friend Kim Wilkes and her two boys, (yep, Bro. Mike's wife- btw thanks Bro. Mike for being so unselfish and allowing them to come. I'm sure you got your nap in today!) were all there. We had some great food. Joe cooked quite a bit. I don't even bother anymore because no one wants my food when Joe brings something. We had a great time of fellowship, a slide-show presentation from when the mission first started til now, and great singing. I can't believe how in such a short time how far we've come. God is awesome!

Thanks for your prayers and support! God bless!

on cloud nine

I had to post the good news....

My daughter, Marissa, was saved tonight at Bogg Springs! I am so happy, yet sad. I'm not there. She called and told me the news. I wish I could have been there. It figures the first time I haven't gone in years and she's saved.

I can't wait to see her and give her the biggest hug I can! I love you Marissa. Thank you Jesus, thank you.

on Christian dating

I read over the lessons for the teenage group for camp this year that Bro. Joe from Liberty sent. I personally want to know why we didn't have this when I was a teenager! What a difference in our young Christians' lives these lessons can make. If only they will seriously take these lessons to heart. Our youths' lives are constantly being affected by magazines, videos, television, movies and more than anything...their peers!

I remember being told, "just don't do it." While for some, that's enough said. Others are thinking, "I want to find out why I shouldn't do it." I was raised up in church and can not remember there ever being a time when anyone even discussed this issue among the teenagers.

Why did it take so long? Why didn't our parents and leaders in our churches see the need for it then as we do now? I know that our youth faces many more challenges today than we did then, but the temptations are not new. We had the same attractions, desires, thoughts as they do now. How many of us could have benefited by this material? I know I could have.

I would personally like to see this taught on a regular basis for a period of time so it can sink in. I would also like for a woman to write lessons for the girls, because you know some things a man (no disrespect intended) just can't relate to. The same applies for the opposite.

In reading these lessons Bro. Brown sent, I guess I might need to buy some new clothes. It seems I shouldn't wear my skirts that show my knees anymore, some of the shirts I have and my pants that are low-risers (which I love because they are so comfortable). It seems I need to dress from my neck to my ankle then I'll have it all covered. I do understand what point he's making here. It is a good guideline for young ladies.

I also pointed out to Joe the scripture where he's supposed to ravish in my love or something like that. I'll have to get that out again. He didn't say much.

Have a good time at camp! God bless yall and I wish I could be there. Joe is going to cook so there will be more for the men since he won't have to share with his wife!

I know....

I know you are here beside me to guide my steps along the way
I know you want me to be faithful, and find strength in you each day
I know there will be times I fail you, for I'm only human and humans sin
But I know whenever I fail you, you forgive me and another day begins.