I am writing this as I type, so excuse the randomness of this post.
This day, Sunday, our day of worship so easily turned into a day of anger, frustration and sadness for me. We were on the way out the door this morning, in a hurry as usual, and my arm hit the door causing my coffee to spill all over my hand (which didn't feel too good), the floor and my clothes. After that moment, I was trying to rush and clean myself up while Joe and Marissa were already in the truck. Joe starts beating on the horn. I rush out yelling, "I'm coming! I just spilled hot coffee all over my hand." He decides to say, (instead he should have just kept his mouth shut), "I'm gonna start leaving without ya'll." That did it. That led into a huge argument between us on our way to church. Enough said about that.
Then, of course, being a man, he's ok while I'm still frustrated and aggravated, I don't even want to be there.
People are trying to talk to me. "I don't wanna talk. Just leave me alone" is all I can think. I blame my attitude on my job, which everyone knows is already a stressful one. I play the piano as I'm crying my eyes out. I just want to be in the Lord's house and have a great service. Not today.
The sermon was on Jesus calming the storm. It's hard to believe sometime when you feel you've been in the same storm for so long and nothing has changed. When is the storm going to calm? When do I get my peace? How does one accept so much emotional turmoil that is causing so much unhappiness? I waited for the pastor to say some storms are over quickly while others linger. He didn't say that. He read the part where Jesus said "Peace. Be still" and the storm stopped immediately. I know Jesus is in the boat. I just feel like my boat is sinking. What is Jesus waiting for?
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Book Recommendation:
"How to let God solve your problems"
By: Charles Stanley
This book has helped me tremendously while facing "storms" of life. Adversity is allowed by God to make us stronger, make us rely on Him, prepare us for great blessings and a host of other reasons. One thing you should always know is that Jesus knew the storm before you ever entered into it. He also sees the end in sight when we can't see light at the end of the tunnel. Check out the book and meanwhile know that God never allows adversity for no reason! He loves you!
That's just it, "I can't" see the end and I know that He can. "I can't" understand that there is a reason for this.
"I can't" understand why He knows how weak I am but still allows it to continue.
I just can't.
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