on loving and hurting...

This past week has been a sad one here in the Halliday household. We said our goodbyes yesterday to our pastor, Bro. Dwight Bird.

The first time we visited the mission in Farmerville, we were late. For those of you who know us, that probably doesn't come as a surprise. However, we thought the services started at 7:00 because most Wed. night services do in our association. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Anyway, the service had started at 6:00, but Bro and Sis Bird were still there. Sis Betty and I talked. I remember her excitement when she asked me if I could play the piano and I said "yes". She almost jumped out of her skin with joy! I started to tell her that I wasn't that good, but I didn't want to spoil it for her. About a week later, she and Bro Bird came to our house to visit. You know the kind of visit you get when they want you to join their church. I remember crying when Sis Betty started talking about how much God moved her and Bro Bird. How upset she was. How mad she got at him, but never God. I really didn't want to hear it. "I" didn't plan on making this my church. It would be my "church of choice" when I couldn't make it down to Whispering Pines. I wanted to be home. I guess the Lord wasn't worried about what "I" wanted.

Many times Bro. Bird would pray and include "if anyone here needs to move their membership...etc" and I'd cry. Just the thought of it hurt. We held revival there one week, Bro Don McCormick preached. During the invitation on the last night, I believe, my husband went forward and asked to accept him by letter from Whispering Pines. Of course, they did. I cried. I knew that was it. The fight was on. That struggle inside, that turmoil that feels like it's ripping you apart. I fought it. I fought it with every ounce of my being for a while, about six months to be exact. It wasn't what I wanted, but I was told to "follow your husband" too many times, so I did. Even if I wasn't happy, I wanted to do what the Lord wanted. You preachers know what I mean.

Over the last few years the mission has grown, and I've grown very close to some of the members, especially the Bird family. Now I know that I've gotten "too close." You know when someone you love goes away, it hurts.

I had decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to love these people like I should. I was just going to "be there." I've been hurt too many times, been pulled away from family, friends, and church. I didn't want to go through that pain again. Well, needless to say, it didn't work. I found out this past week. I love Bro Bird, Sis Betty, and the rest of their family. When I saw them hurting, I hurt. One thing I know, Bro Bird is no longer hurting. I'm kinda envious of that.

I hope you get something from all this. It's ok to love people, and it's also ok to hurt.

I'm going to miss him a lot. He was a kind, loving, and truthful pastor. He was a brother, a friend, and I know he loved me.